The Tantrum

Last week my husband worked nights and Miss didn't nap.  That wasn't the best combination, and we had a few rough points during the week.  It reminded me of another time my husband was working nights and Miss had her first super crazy meltdown tantrum.  Aaaah, memories...

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Okay, so I am floundering a bit with this "Terrible Twos" thing. I hate even saying that. "Terrible Twos." Having a nearly-two-year-old is not terrible. Most of the time, it's pretty great. But I have found myself in this place recently where sometimes, just sometimes, it is totally. crazy. psycho. During Miss's toddlerhood thus far we've had our share of "moments." Brief little fits. Minor tantrums. They were usually short and they'd blow over quickly. Miss could be distracted pretty easily, and if not she'd pull herself together without too much drama. The one area where we sometimes would have a big meltdown would be after nap when Miss would sometimes wake up in a terrible mood and just have a screaming fit for what seemed like an age.

And then we had today. This morning. My girl woke up like a little ray of sunshine, as always. We had fun playing and coloring and watching a little bit of Sesame Street. We pretended to be dinosaurs. She pretended to make lemonade. Then she said she was hungry so I took her in the kitchen to get a snack. I asked her what she wanted. "Bunny crackers." "Yogurt." Okay, no problem. I got out the yogurt, got a spoon, opened the yogurt and started to put it in front of her. Strawberry yogurt. Yum. Then she asked for a sandwich. I simply said something like, "Well honey, let's have a little snack now and then I'll get you a sandwich at lunchtime." Hello. Commence screaming. Seriously. She started howling like a banshee and did not stop. I tried all my usual tricks. I tried to get her to laugh. I said something like, "I'm sorry you're upset. Please use your words to tell me what you want and I'll be happy to help you."  Ha!! After a while of more shrieking I thought I heard her say, "bunnies," so to try to positively reinforce her "using her words" I got the bunny crackers out and put some on her placemat. She screamed harder. I ate her yogurt and tried to wait her out. She said "down" so I got her down from her chair, at which point she fell to the floor and continued howling. My husband, who was upstairs trying to sleep came downstairs and asked her why she was crying. She stopped for a second, said "Daddy" and then went right back to yelling. He looked at me, I shrugged, he went back upstairs with a comment to the effect of, "Well, I just wanted to make sure that you weren't knocked out down here or something . . ." The rest of what he said was lost in the noise of our daughter. I'm pretty sure that was his no-so-subtle way of saying, "Okay, since you're conscious, can you please do something about our child's insane wailing?" It didn't help that he happened to come downstairs during the part where I was eating her yogurt and trying to wait her out, so it probably looked like I was just chillin', having a snack, not realizing that our child had turned into a little puddle of insanity on the floor.

Anyway, it went on. I could describe the whole painful morning in detail, I'm sure, as it feels as though the scene is scorched into my brain, never to be forgotten. The First Big One. But I'll spare you the details. Okay, I probably already gave way too many details. So, we can leave it at, It Was Bad, and move on. I probably could have ended it rather quickly by turning on the TV or letting her watch Yo Gabba Gabba on the computer or something like that. But I could not bring myself to do that. It just felt like that would have been reinforcing a behavior I'm not anxious to have repeated. Okay, don't laugh, I know it will be repeated in some form quite a few times and probably agonizingly in public on at least a few occasions too. I'm just saying, I don't want to increase the frequency of the Tantrum From Hell by reinforcing it. I'm a psychologist. I'm all into my behavioral principles. I know them forwards and backwards. I guess I automatically get Skinnerian in my head when dealing with this discipline stuff. But I gotta say, this morning, I felt L.O.S.T. I wasn't mad. I wasn't really even upset. I just had no idea how to make it stop. I knew I didn't want to reinforce the behavior, but I also wasn't trying to punish her. She's almost two. She doesn't have good control of her emotions and still has trouble expressing herself. She's learning to deal with this stuff just like I am. But wow. I felt like I had been dropped into the deep end and had forgotten how to swim. I suppose, to stick with this simile, I managed to tread. And you know what eventually worked? I sat down on the floor where we had been coloring earlier, picked up a crayon, and started coloring. Within a minute she had stopped crying and was sitting next to me coloring away. Who knew?

So, I don't really know where I'm going with this post, except to say that I am finding more and more Mommy-moments when I really feel like I'm not sure what the heck I'm doing. I always end up just going with what feels right to me, and things turn out okay. But then I look back and analyze everything and wonder if I did it right and am I going to screw my kid up forever or is she going to turn into a raging brat because I didn't discipline her enough or did I do it too much and now she's going to be insecure or rebellious??? Maybe that's a little bit of an exaggeration. I'm not quite that neurotic. But I do tend to look back on what I did and see if there's something I should do better or differently the next time. I guess I'm just making a mental note to myself that, even with all my principles of reinforcement swirling in my head, I still need to learn how to make it work with this girl. And maybe it will be different every time. And then I'll have to learn it all over again with Lass. And so on. So, I've come to realize that there is no greater in vivo learning experience than motherhood. This is my classroom.

After Miss's fit resolved, I got Lass (poor thing was just hanging out playing during the whole drawn out drama) down for a nap and asked Miss if she wanted to do some finger painting. This was a first for her so she had no idea what I was talking about, but she sure thought it sounded cool. So we got messy as our way to "make-up" (not quite the right word, but I liked the alliteration of the title) after the meltdown.

She liked squishing the paint between her fingers.

Masterpiece #1.

A bit of a lighter touch with this one.

After a while she got freaked out that her hands were so messy.

So she cleaned them off and got right back to it.

She decided to try tasting the paint and didn't much care for it.

For the record, Crayola's "washable" finger paints are indeed washable.

Gallery.

She seemed to like this set up better.

Aaand, we're done.

What better way to finish a messy craft time than with a bubble bath?

Hanging out with Lass at lunch time. We had no more eating-related meltdowns. She had forgotten entirely about the sandwich. For lunch she wanted strawberry yogurt and Cheerios. Unfortunately I had eaten the last strawberry yogurt while she was howling face down on the floor, but she was content with apple. And I wasn't gonna fuss about the lunch menu today. Apple yogurt and dry Cheerios? Sure.

And here she is proudly showing off her artwork to her Daddy when he woke up.

Before I click "Publish Post," I feel like I should say that I know this is my second post in less than a week that might seem like it has a bit of a "complain-y" feel to it regarding mothering a toddler. I am not complaining. I realize all the time how lucky I am to have these two little people to bring up in the best way I can. Sometimes I screw up, and sometimes I nail it, and always I hope that I will learn and get better. And this blog is my way of chronicling this journey, and sharing it, and helping myself to figure it out by getting the words out of my head. So that's it. Going to Arizona tomorrow. Wish us luck on the plane! Good night.

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Things are back to normal around here this week and much improved, though Miss still isn't napping, which means she's a bit of a mess by bedtime.  But nothing like she was that day^^^  

A Boa and a Bike Helmet

We're still waiting.

This is the longest I have been pregnant without being in labor.

My labor with Miss started on the third day after my due date at about 9 or 10 in the morning.  She was born at 5:11 PM that day.  My labor with Lass started on the third day after my due date at about 5:30 in the evening.  She was born the next afternoon at 1:38.

It's now 9:40 pm on the third day after my due date.  I'm not stressing out about still being pregnant.

But I am getting a bit anxious.  Just wondering and waiting.

As I type this, I'm having contractions, but they aren't very strong and not at all regular.  Nothing to get excited about.

I know she has to come soon though, so I'm trying to be as ready as I can.  I'm obsessively giving more instructions than necessary to my Mom for taking care of the girls while I'm in the hospital.  I'm checking and rechecking the contents of my hospital bag.  I'm making lists.  I'm doing laundry and taking out recycling.  I'm also sleeping in and taking naps, thanks to my parents and my husband.

And of course, I'm waiting. Maybe I ought to be walking on my treadmill instead?  I'll try that tomorrow, if I make it that far.

Here Again

A due date.  Yesterday.  Passed me by.  Having given birth to both of my older girls past their due dates, I really did not expect Baby Sis to come before her due date.  In fact, I made lots of plans in the past few days, like coffee with a friend on Wednesday, book club on Thursday, and a play date yesterday morning.  Now though, I'm taking it easy.  No plans for a while, as I feel like we're really in waiting mode now.  

My husband and I have traditionally gone out for a date night on my due date.  We went to a nice restaurant on Miss's due date, February 15, 2009.  She was born on the 18th.

On Lass's due date, August 20, 2010, we went to a more casual restaurant.  She arrived on the 24th.

Last night we stayed home and got Jimmy Johns.

I had planned for a babysitter so we could go out this time too, but then plans changed.  In a great way. The reinforcements arrived.  My parents.  My girls are in Grandma Heaven.  I am too, for that matter.

So this weekend, we're just taking it easy.

We're enjoying some rain, but looking forward to sunny days coming soon.

Very soon, our Baby Sis will arrive.  We are all eager to meet her.  Happy weekend.

What Does One Really Need for a New Baby?

I know several people who have recently become first time parents, or are about to become first time parents in the next few months.  Some of these people have asked me for my opinion or advice on a few things, including a few questions about the items that are really necessary for a new baby.  That, plus the fact that I'm about to have another baby myself, have had me thinking recently about just what a new parent really does need for baby.  Of course, there are the obvious things, clothing, diapers, a place to sleep, etc.  But in thinking about the things that really made my life easier, I came up with the following list and wanted to share (plus, this is a fun excuse to post some old photos of my girls).  

1. A few good swaddle blankets.  I have always preferred the blankets that fasten in some way, like with velcro (this one is Kiddopotomus).

This one is my personal favorite, The Miracle Blanket.  These are like little baby straight jackets and were the only swaddle that my girls couldn't wiggle right out of.

These Halo sleep sacks with the velcro swaddle wrap are nice too.

I have lots of Aden and Anais swaddle blankets too, but I usually use those for other purposes.  I always just found the regular blankets to be too easy for my girls to wiggle out of.  I love swaddling.  Both of my girls were pretty great sleepers, and I attribute this at least in part to swaddling (it helped that they were also both pretty huge and big eaters).  I also found that sometimes when my girls would just get fussy and I couldn't seem to soothe them in other ways, swaddling often helped calm them right away.  It was the perfect way to get Lass to settle when she would get fussy in the evenings.  I know not everyone is a fan, but great swaddling blankets are a must-have here.

2. A video monitor.  We started out with a regular audio monitor with Miss.  I had read a book that said that video monitors weren't worth the money and recommended just getting a good sound-only monitor.    At some point before Lass was born, the monitor I had wasn't working very well, so I decided to replace it with a video monitor.  I am so happy I did.  Not only is is great for keeping an eye on a newborn, but it is fantastic for watching a toddler too. When Miss transitioned to her big girl bed, it was fabulous.  We take them with us when we travel and have broken two monitor screens this way, but I have continued to replace them because they are such a great tool to have.

3. A swing or bouncy seat, or both if possible.  Miss loved her bouncy seat.  She would fall asleep in it when nothing else worked.  She had her days and nights mixed up for a bit, and liked to wake up and want to play at 3 am.  My husband and I spent many nights, half awake, bouncing her back to sleep in her bouncy seat.  Lass was a swing baby.  That swing could get her to sleep so easily.  These items were so helpful with the girls that my husband used to take them apart and we'd travel with them on road trips.  We even put the disassembled bouncy seat in a suitcase on more than one occasion when flying somewhere with Miss.

4. A good nursing pillow.  Especially if you're new to breastfeeding, and/or with a tiny baby who is new to nursing, a good pillow is such a help.  I always have one right at my rocker in my baby's room for night time nursing especially.  I have been known to doze off while nursing and the pillow helps keep baby in place.  My favorite is the Boppy though I know some people swear by the "My Breast Friend" pillow.  I tried that one and didn't like it much.  Plus the Boppy is good for tummy time and helping with sitting too.

5. A Bumbo.  Speaking of sitting, a Bumbo is just an awesome little thing to have once baby is old enough to use it.  I think both of my girls were able to sit in it around 3-ish months.  I used it for feeding both of my girls when they first started solids.

I also found it to be a great way for Lass to be able to be upright and part of the "action" with her sister before she was actually able to sit up on her own.

 6. A good carrier.  Okay, everyone has different preferences when it comes to baby carriers.  I started out with a Bjorn and a Moby Wrap and a ring sling.  I never found the Bjorn to be comfortable, and the ring sling just didn't work for me at all.  I liked the Moby, but since it was stretchy, I couldn't use it for long before my girls were too big for it.  I eventually found that my favorite carrier for teeny tiny newborns is a woven wrap.  The one I have is a Babyette.

And my favorite carrier of all time is the Ergo.  I love my Ergo.  It is so comfortable, even when worn for hours, like when Miss went on her first antiquing expedition with my mom and me.

And it is a carrier that my husband can and will wear too.

It even works for hiking.

And when you've got more than one babe in the mix, it is essential.  Before she was mobile, I could carry Lass and still be quite active with Miss.

I've also tried a Mei Tai style carrier, which I've never gotten comfortable with, and a few different slings, like the Hot Sling.  I don't love the Hot Sling, as I don't find it to be super comfortable, and I am just not comfortable using a sling with a tiny one.  But, the Hot Sling was great to use during the first six or so months of my second two pregnancies.  It allowed me to wear Miss, and then Lass, once I couldn't wear the Ergo anymore because of my belly (I've never been very good at a back carry and found the hip carry to be uncomfortable), since I could carry the girls above the belly with the sling.

7. An upright, freestanding immobilization device.  For us, this has been our excersaucer.  I love this thing.  Miss used to sit in it in the garage while we worked out.

Both Miss and Lass have spent many shower times in this thing. It allowed me to take a shower with my baby/toddler in sight and unable to get into things, so I didn't have to waste precious nap time minutes with showering.

And this past summer I discovered the portable/outdoor version of this.

I occasionally used it at home, but it was most useful when out and about.

I took it to the pool and used it as a high chair for Lass.  I took it to outdoor concerts, parks, etc.  It folds up like a lawn chair and has a bag with a strap to carry it.

Okay, so those are my essentials.  Each of the above things made my life with a tiny one, and then a toddler plus a tiny one, much easier.  I had to learn what would work and what didn't through trial and error, but I am so glad I discovered each of these things.  I know not everyone will think these items are important, and others will have their own lists of essentials.  So, feel free to share.  What things did you find essential to surviving the early months of parenting or of adjusting to two or more babes?