A Boa and a Bike Helmet

We're still waiting.

This is the longest I have been pregnant without being in labor.

My labor with Miss started on the third day after my due date at about 9 or 10 in the morning.  She was born at 5:11 PM that day.  My labor with Lass started on the third day after my due date at about 5:30 in the evening.  She was born the next afternoon at 1:38.

It's now 9:40 pm on the third day after my due date.  I'm not stressing out about still being pregnant.

But I am getting a bit anxious.  Just wondering and waiting.

As I type this, I'm having contractions, but they aren't very strong and not at all regular.  Nothing to get excited about.

I know she has to come soon though, so I'm trying to be as ready as I can.  I'm obsessively giving more instructions than necessary to my Mom for taking care of the girls while I'm in the hospital.  I'm checking and rechecking the contents of my hospital bag.  I'm making lists.  I'm doing laundry and taking out recycling.  I'm also sleeping in and taking naps, thanks to my parents and my husband.

And of course, I'm waiting. Maybe I ought to be walking on my treadmill instead?  I'll try that tomorrow, if I make it that far.

Here Again

A due date.  Yesterday.  Passed me by.  Having given birth to both of my older girls past their due dates, I really did not expect Baby Sis to come before her due date.  In fact, I made lots of plans in the past few days, like coffee with a friend on Wednesday, book club on Thursday, and a play date yesterday morning.  Now though, I'm taking it easy.  No plans for a while, as I feel like we're really in waiting mode now.  

My husband and I have traditionally gone out for a date night on my due date.  We went to a nice restaurant on Miss's due date, February 15, 2009.  She was born on the 18th.

On Lass's due date, August 20, 2010, we went to a more casual restaurant.  She arrived on the 24th.

Last night we stayed home and got Jimmy Johns.

I had planned for a babysitter so we could go out this time too, but then plans changed.  In a great way. The reinforcements arrived.  My parents.  My girls are in Grandma Heaven.  I am too, for that matter.

So this weekend, we're just taking it easy.

We're enjoying some rain, but looking forward to sunny days coming soon.

Very soon, our Baby Sis will arrive.  We are all eager to meet her.  Happy weekend.

Happy St. Patty's Day

We have had amazing weather this week.  We've been busy soaking it up.

Swinging and running and climbing.  It's been wonderful.  Lass wakes up in the morning and one of the first things she says is "'side?  'side?" asking to go out and play.  My girls definitely love to be outside.

I don't think I really even need to describe how much fun we've had in our yard the past few days.  The photos say it better than I could anyway.  But I will say that one of the great things about being outside is that I can often sit in the grass and watch as they get exercise and have a blast running around.  Sitting is my friend right now.  I'm at 39 weeks and large.

We have taken some walks too, as I'm trying to get the ball rolling here, but sitting and blowing bubbles or just watching my girls chase each other, or show off how fast they can run, or play with sticks or whatever. . . Well, it's nice.  I want to be very lazy right now.  Don't judge.

We got decked out in green for St. Patty's day and played outside a lot more today.  It ended up being 80 degrees here.  In mid-March.  Beautiful.

We played with shamrock stickers and ate a special shamrock treat after dinner and took a walk by the lake.

I had purchased a really cute Good Luck Bear Care Bears T shirt for Miss to wear today.  It says, "Hug Me, I'm Irish" and has shamrocks and of course a Care Bear with a shamrock belly badge. I thought she would love it.  She flat out refused to wear it today and instead picked out her own green outfit.

Miss wanted to share a shamrock sticker with her Daddy.

Oh well.  At least the shirt was only $5 from Walmart.  Maybe next year.  And the outfit she picked out almost matched.

We had a fun day.  Nice and lazy and loaded with good family time.  Whether you're Irish or not (I'm not, but my kids are), I hope you had a great St. Patty's Day too.

I'm Just a Mom

I had an ultrasound and doctor's appointment today.  Baby Sis is still breech.  At 36 weeks.  This is not news to me.  Or to you, I suspect, since I have mentioned it recently.

If you've read here much you're aware how much I dread the idea of having another c-section.  C-sections suck.  You can read a little bit about my thoughts on and experience with one here if you're so inclined.  I know not everyone shares my feelings on c-sections.  Some people think they're no big deal, and that's fine.  It's just that a c-section is a big deal to me.  When people here that Sis is breech and that I'm distressed about this and really worried about having another c-section, sometimes they say things like, "Well, just remember that having a healthy baby is the most important thing."  I think this is a well-meaning comment, but you know what I really want to say when someone says this to me?  "Duh."

Really.  I don't need to be reminded that having a healthy baby is the most important thing.  I have thought about that every moment for the last 30-ish weeks, since I knew of little Sis's existence.  I am very well aware of how lucky I am to have had two beautiful and perfect babies so far.  I know some people are not so fortunate.  I am a Mom. I put my children's health and wellbeing above my own all the time.  I'm not complaining about this, and I'm not suggesting in any way that this makes me special.  It just makes me a Mom.  Every decision I make, every day, all day, takes into consideration the health and wellbeing of my kids.  That's just what Moms do.  So yes, I know that having a healthy baby is the most important thing.  Please don't feel that you need to tell me that.

However, if you say to me (which some people have), "Having a healthy baby is the only thing that really matters, right?"  I will say, definitively, "No."  As I just said above, having a healthy baby is the very most important thing.  Yes.  But it is not the only thing that matters.  As a Mom, pretty much by definition I put my children before myself in almost all things.  Of course I'm not perfect.  I'm also not a martyr.  I'm just a Mom.  But I'm still an individual being.  I'm a person with feelings and wishes and fears, and I try not to feel guilty about my individual-ness.  I generally don't feel guilty about the fact that I get a babysitter sometimes and get pedicures or have coffee with a friend and that I love dates with my husband and my book clubs.  I try not to feel guilty about the fact that I sometimes even check my email or surf other websites a little bit when I should probably be playing with my girls.  I try not to feel guilty about this, but you'll notice I just typed "should."  Mom-guilt is a powerful thing.  I don't like it, and I try to stay away from it, but it does creep in from time to time.  And when someone says to me, "Of course having a healthy baby is the only thing that matters, right?," I feel that Mom-guilt surfacing.  Like what I'm really being told is, "how dare you think about your own desires when going through the majorly huge event of birthing a child?  What kind of mother are you?"

Then I take a deep breath and stop myself from going there.  Some people might judge me because I feel so strongly about not wanting to have another c-section.  I have certainly felt judged at times with respect to this issue both now and when I was in the same situation with Lass and when I chose to have a VBAC with her.  People judge, and that's okay.  Some people might just make comments like those above for lack of knowing what else to say.  That's okay too.  At the end of the day, I have carried and nurtured this precious baby girl for eight months so far.  I think it's natural for me to have a desire to be involved in her emergence into the world, rather than strapped to a table and relegated to the role of observer, which is what a c-section felt like to me.  So if I'm sometimes worried or distressed about Sis's continued breech-ness, that's okay.  Please try to refrain from telling me that I shouldn't think about my own wishes and instead should only think about the health of my baby.  I think about the health of this baby and my two older girls every minute of every day.  Keeping the welfare of my children at the forefront of my mind and having my own feelings, thoughts, desires, opinions, and wishes are not mutually exclusive things.  I'm not less of a Mom for wanting things to work out the way my heart desires.  I'm just a Mom.

And for the record, if it turns out that this baby girl doesn't flip and I do have to have another c-section, I will not be any less joyful about her birth.  I will cherish her and marvel over her and welcome her into our family with the happiest heart.  And, I will still be sad to have a c-section.  And that's okay. It will not take away one bit of the celebration of a new, wonderful baby.

And oh, we are very much looking forward to her arrival.  Over the past weekend at one point Miss began handing me all of the baby toys she could find and asking if I thought "Baby Sissy" would like each of them.  She talked about how she would play with her Baby Sissy and how much Baby Sissy would love her and what she would like about each of the toys.  Today, we used face paint crayons to draw a picture for Baby Sissy.

I pointed out to Miss a place on  my belly where you could see Sis moving, and she was amazed.  I told her "Baby Sissy is saying, 'who's out there poking me?'" and she got a big kick out of that.  She kept asking, "What else is Baby Sissy saying?"

She colored very intently right where she had seen her sister move.

Notice the concentration of blue just above and to the right of my (kind of disturbingly huge, sorry) belly button.  That's where Miss could see Sis moving.  It's also right where her head is.

Happily preparing to welcome home this little one soon.

"Do You Have a Baby in Your Butt?"

Yesterday I volunteered to help at Miss's school because one of her teachers had to be out for a funeral.  It was a really fun experience.  I loved getting to watch her in her space and get to know some of the kids she goes to school with.  I was quite a novelty to many of the kids, who got a kick out of my big belly and kept asking about the baby, poking my belly, etc.  One little girl was especially sweet.  She sat next to me every time the class sat down to listen to a story, sing songs, or do other learning activities all together (weather, calendar, etc.).  She hugged me.  She said she loved me.  She was that super sweet and lovey little girl that every preschool class probably has at least one of.  Then it happened.  After looking at and asking me several questions about my belly, she asked a different question.  "Do you have a baby in your butt?"  Um.  No.  But thanks so much Sweet Little Girl.  Thanks a million times for asking me that.  Man.  Kids say the darnedest things.  

I really wanted to take some photos of Miss at school, but I was afraid my big camera would be disruptive and wasn't really even sure about sneaking some with my phone.  I was supposed to be helping after all.  So, these photos aren't from school, but I still love them.  It amazes me how quickly my big girl's (and my little girl's, for that matter) skills are increasing.  Miss is getting very good at coloring in the lines and can draw a wicked smiley face now.

It was wonderful to have a special day with her at her school yesterday.

Some Random Thoughts and a Tea Party

Sleep has been somewhat elusive the past few nights.  I think I'm starting to get a little bit freaked out about how close the arrival of little Sis is.  Example - Two nights ago, I woke up at 12:53 to go to the bathroom.  Then I realized I was hungry, so I came downstairs to get a snack.  I decided to check my email and look around online a bit while I ate my snack.  I wasn't down here for more than 10 minutes, but when I went back to bed I was wide awake and sleep was nowhere to be found.  I tossed and turned, but I just could not quiet my mind.  My thoughts bounced back and forth between worrying about the fact that Sis is still breech, just like her big sister Lass was at this point in my pregnancy with her, and stressing out about all the things I have to do before Sis arrives.

I am already trying everything I can to get Sis to flip.  Most of it is the same as what I tried with Lass, I'm just starting earlier.  My idea was that maybe Lass didn't flip until the last minute because she was so big, so I started earlier while Sis is hopefully small enough that something - contortions, music, moxibustion, chiropractor, whatever - will work before I get to the point of needing to try to have my doctor turn her, like she did Lass.   My crazy, middle-of-the-night thoughts consisted of lots and lots of worrying that it would be pretty hard to be so lucky as to have a version work twice.  There's no real scientific basis for this fear, I guess, but there it is.  And it was magnified almost to the point of insanity at 2am.  Everyone seems so amazed that the version worked so well with Lass, since it's not really a high percentage procedure (so maybe there is some basis for my fear...), that I can't help but worry that I won't have the same luck a second time, if it comes to that point.  Obviously it doesn't help to worry about it, but I do anyway.

And then there's the fact that I have a nursery for Sis that is emptied of guest room furniture and freshly painted, and that's it.  So after ruminating about my fears of having another c-section for a while, I started thinking, "Crap, I have so much to do to get Sis's furniture out of Miss's room and put Miss's new stuff in her room and get all the new decor done in all three girls' rooms.  And oh geez, I still need to sew Sis's crib sheets, but I can't get to my sewing machine because the old guest room mattress is leaning against it, since we couldn't fit the box spring down the stairs, and what the heck are we going to do with a queen sized mattress and box spring that won't fit into our guest room, which now has to be in the basement because we have nowhere else to have it?"  And so on and so on, for a half hour or so, then back to the breech-c-section issue, repeat.  The last time I looked at my clock (after getting up again for a second snack at around 3:00) it was about 3:30.  I suspect I finally fell back to sleep at around 4.

Anyway...  I know there's not much I can do about Sis being breech (other than what I'm already doing obsessively), so I am trying not to worry about that for now.  I'm not very successful in these attempts to not worry, but I'm trying nonetheless.  And to address my other source of stress, well I just need to get off my rear and start getting some things done.  I have started working on some craft projects I have for all the girls' rooms (I'll do some posts soon to show what I'm doing).  I've made a good list for myself of things to get done and a Honey-do list for my hubby.  He actually requested this after learning that I'm am losing sleep because of stressing out about this stuff.  He's awesome.  And he has a week off coming up, during which we will not be traveling.  So, we'll get it done.  That's what I keep telling myself, anyway.

And never fear.  In between all the worrying, the contorting, and the crafting, we're having lots of fun.  We went to a birthday party this past weekend at Monkey Joe's.  Miss was scared of the big bouncy things, but she had fun running around and playing with Lass in this small one.  

It was so great to have my hubby along to help.  On the way home I thanked him for coming to the party with us, and he said, "What, you mean that was optional?"

After a bit Miss got a bit braver and was willing to try some of the slightly bigger slides.

And Lass is just fearless.

They loved these glasses they got in their goody bags.

It was a fun party, but I have to say I'm not a fan of Monkey Joe's.  Not because there's anything wrong with that place in particular, I just don't enjoy trying to keep track of my girls at their current ages in a place where line of sight is so limited.  I much prefer taking them to someplace like the YMCA or open gym at the Gymnastics Center where they both take classes to let them run around and burn some energy.  Speaking of gymnastics, I love that I can now take Lass with me when Miss goes to her gymnastics class and don't have to get a sitter for her anymore.  She loves watching her "Sissy" too.

And finally, I came down from putting Lass to bed last night to find Miss having a tea party with her Daddy.  She was so excited to have her tea set out and to serve us tea, including adding cream and sugar according to our requests.  It was so cute.

 

Time with my girls is the best possible cure for my stress about the above issues.  But I still really want Sis to flip ASAP.