I Hate Toasted O's

Miss loves them. Yet I live in fear that she will choke on one of these tiny Os. Actually, I live in fear that she will choke on pretty much anything that is small enough to get into her mouth. I wish I could feed her pureed mush until she's 10. Unfortunately for me, she loves to feed herself. Some things, like butternut squash, she flat out refuses to eat mashed on a spoon. However, yesterday I cut up some cubes of squash that I had baked, and she gobbled them up because she could do it herself.

I have such a huge fear of choking that, for several months, when I was beginning to feed her "solid" (though really pureed or mashed) foods in her high chair, I would have a mini panic attack every time Miss would take a poo during mealtime (which unfortunately happens fairly frequently). She would hold her breath and her face would get all red and my mind would immediately jump to "Oh my Gosh, she can't breathe, she's choking!!" This would only last a split second until I came to my senses and realized she was just taking a dump. But it was always long enough for my breath to catch and my heart to stop. Sometimes I would even start to come out of my chair, all set to snatch her up and do the baby Heimlich. I mean, can you imagine? Here's my daughter peacefully and happily filling her drawers, when her nut-bar mother yanks her up out of her chair, turns her upside down and starts pounding on her back??? I have to laugh at myself when I picture it. Fortunately, I have gotten used to the red-faced mealtime poop and I now only have a teeny tiny whisper of anxiety before I remember ("Deep breath, it's just poo...").

Unfortunately, we are now moving into the land of more and more truly solid foods. I know she needs to learn to feed herself. I know it's great for her to eat things like little pieces of turkey, toast, soft veggies. Most of those cause only mild anxiety for me. But man, those toasted O's just freak me out. This is probably because Miss actually did nearly choke on one of these once, and I actually did have her out of her highchair and nearly started banging on her back when she managed to cough it up. Talk about heart-stopping panic. So now she only gets the O's covered with something like yogurt or pureed fruit. Then they get kind of mushy, but she can still pick them up and feed herself, which she did happily this for breakfast this morning. Of course, I hovered over her while she ate, watching like a hawk for any sign of choking, feeling just a slight flutter of anxiety every time she put one in her mouth, a little bit more when she would try to cram too many in there at once. I think my voice sounded calm when pulling her hand back down and instructing her "One at a time please. Chew, chew, chew!" Heaven help me when she starts eating things like steak!